PROCRASTINATION

Procrastination

Procrastination gives you something to look forward to. ~ Joan Konner

            

          Some psychologists say that procrastination and perfectionism go hand in hand. If that’s true then I have perfected procrastination. I am a thrill seeker waiting to the last minute for that euphoric rush of getting a job done. As I sit here writing there are a hundred other things I should be doing. Dishes in the sink, laundry in the washer patiently waiting to be put in the dryer, floors calling to me to be cleaned, the list goes on and on. Why do I procrastinate? I am not a lazy or inefficient person. The reason is simple I don’t want to do it. I was not cut out for menial labor. What satisfaction do I really get from these monotonous jobs that I do week after week, day after day. None!

         

       The origin of the word crastination is Latin, crastinus of to-morrow. If I PRO-crastinate wouldn't I be supporting the idea? I believe it is a lifestyle that we all choose. If our children need us we are there. We don't defer their needs until later. We have learned to prioritize, take charge, and get the job done! So what, if we want to go out and buy new underwear and socks because we have not done the laundry. So what, if we leave the house without making the beds to get our nails done with our daughters. SO WHAT? The world will not come to an end. In fact if more people procrastinated on the tedious chores of life and spent more quality time with the people we love our existence becomes more meaningful. So I say "procrastinators unite!" Revel in your ability to put off until tomorrow and enjoy the day.

Procrastination isn't the problem. It's the solution. It's the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. "

- Ellen DeGeneres

GUILT

GUILT

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. –Erma Bombeck

          A mother raising children means spit up stains, poopy diapers sleep deprivation, and guilt .We do it to ourselves, we give it to others, and we receive it. For a mother it’s a rite of passage that has been passed down from generation to generation. My mother is the Queen of guilt. Not only would her words sting she had a look that went with it. For example: We would all be at dinner and she would tell me to eat my vegetables. When I refused she would tell me about all the starving people in the world who would appreciate a good meal and how so many children didn’t have a mom to stay home and care for them. Mom could go on and on. She would have this look on her face like she was about to cry. Oh yeah, did I tell you sometimes-lying goes with guilt? Was she really going to send a box of leftovers to a third world country? My mother could send you on a guilt trip for days. Other trips my mother has sent me on are: If you keep making that face it will stay that way, If you don’t wash behind your ears you will grow potatoes behind them, if you sit to close to the TV you will go blind. Yes my mother really used these on me when I was younger. Now that I am a grown women she uses the “why haven’t you called I was worried.” Worried about what? Does she sit by the phone and wait for my call; she could pick up the phone and dial my number. I’m an adult woman with a family of my own why do I feel guilty. I have a life. I am a travel agent sending my own family on a guilt trip.         

         Husbands are easy to motivate with guilt. When my husband has not trimmed the bushes out in front of our house all I have to do is comment on the neighbors front yard and then say our house looks like the abandoned property on the block. With in 24 hours we will have a manicured front yard. Even my daughter at a young age figured out how to guilt Dad into doing something. If she wanted to ride her bike she would climb up on his lap, tell him that he is the best dad in the whole world, he works so hard and they don’t spend enough quality time together. Next thing I know he is checking the tires on the bikes to make sure they have enough air and off they go. As my daughter got older she uses “you don’t love me anymore”,“you are ruining my life” and the “I never asked to be born” tactics on us. Needless to say this does not work and her attempt to guilt us has failed. As she matures I am certain her skills will improve and as she becomes a mother the guilt trip will be perfected.

         Children these days are smarter and it is not as easy to guilt them into things. I once used the potato line to get my daughter to wash behind her ears. She laughed and told me that their are some pretty stinky boys in her class and none of them were growing anything behind their ears. If she refused to leave the park I used the old standard “I’m leaving without you. You will be here all alone.” Most kids would come running. Not my child, again she would sit and laugh at me. My daughter was confident that I was not going anywhere. I find that with my daughter you have to use some truth’s when guilting her into something If I need her to pick up her room all I have to do is mention the items all over her bedroom floor, tell her that these things must not be important to her and go get a large garbage bag. After I have put a few items into the bag she starts cleaning up. The only problem with this method is I start to feel guilty. Did I go to far? Guilt is a vicious circle, you give it, and you get it.

         I even give guilt to myself. Why did I feed my child junk food last night? I wish I could afford to buy my daughter the new bike she wants. I should spend more quality time with my family. Guilt it can be a waste of time. What’s done is done now I need to move on.

         Many say that guilt is a wasted emotion. Guilt can be used for good not evil. It’s a powerful tool that mothers use to motivate. A thousand years may pass but a mother’s guilt trip will go on and on.

I have included a clip from Everybody Loves Raymond. Doris Roberts who plays the mother on the show really knows how to bring grown men to their knees as they feel the Wrath of her guilt.. Enjoy

THE F BOMB

THE F BOMB

            Last night we watched the Academy Awards. It’s a family tradition of ours to order Chinese food and sit down and watch the Oscars. My daughter and I watch it for the fashion dos and don’ts. We are the home version of What not to Wear.

             The biggest news of the Academy awards was when Melissa Leo who won for the Fighter dropped the F Bomb. C’mon people is it that big of a deal? Granted it was a bad speech but she was overwhelmed. What person has not let it slip once or twice? I know that I have. When my daughter was around the age of four she had pneumonia and we were on the way to the doctor. She was running a fever, throwing up in the back of the car, and I hadn’t slept for three days. I’m driving down the street and there was an accident so I take an alternate route. Ok, I am on my way making good time, but all of a sudden another driver decides to make a right hand turn from the left hand lane cutting me off and leaving me up on a curb. My instinct was to yell out my car window and tell him just what I thought of him. Yes, I said the F word and a few other choice words too. We finally get to the doctors office and I apologized for being late. While the doctor is examining my daughter, my dear sweet child decides she should apologize too. She told the doctor “ sorry we were late but some fucking asshole cut off my mommy.” I was mortified; I had not realized she was paying attention. The doctor and I looked at each other and she could see the horror in my eyes, then she started to laugh. When I was growing up I thought driving and swearing were synonymous.  My dad always referenced his ass to the way other people drove. Lenny Bruce once said, “Life is a four letter word” There are times when there are no other words to express just how we feel. Did you know that the F word can be used as a verb, adverb, adjective, interjective, noun, and can logically be used as virtually any word in a sentence according to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. You have to admit it’s a pretty versatile word.

            By now you must think I’m an advocate for swearing and a horrible mother. I ‘M NOT!  My husband and I make a conscious effort not to swear in front of our daughter. We have a swear jar, so if one happens to slip you will pay for it. Now that I have written this article I am on the way to the bank so I can make my donation. WTF I’m out of gas.           

           

            

DOES BLOGGING MAKE YOU FAT?

DOES BLOGGING MAKE YOU FAT?

There is a great debate on technology. IS IT MAKING US LAZY AND FAT??? Many say yes. Lets face it with a good laptop by your side there is not much reason to get out of bed. We can download movies, music, grocery shop, pay bills and so much more..

            Since I have become a blogger I know my ass has taken on a whole new shape, that of my desk chair. I sit at my computer for hours writing and networking. My blog is a place for me to get the absurdities of life off my chest. I guess you can call it the unedited version of myself that no one around here is willing to listen to. The first thing I do in the morning is grab a cup of coffee and get on the internet. I have to see who posted what, the laundry can wait. I used to be an active person but now I am addicted. Yes I am a blogaholic. There I said it. As long as there is a blog to be written or a post to be read I will be glued to my computer or smart phone. Does my family even realize that I have been missing for about a month now? Sure I still make dinners and kiss my daughter before school, and on a good day get some housework done. BUT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS BLOG BLOG BLOG! HELP!

            Ok. It’s time to make a change. I am going to get up off my ass and do something. I know I will duct tape my computer to a treadmill. Who says I can’t have my cake and eat it too.

DON'T FORGET YOU CAN NOW SHOP IN THE KITCHEN STORE!

Just a few notes:

One way to get motivated is to get up and dance. Enter the Zumba fitness for Nintendo Wii giveaway at

http://savvycouponmommy.blogspot.com/2011/02/zumba-fitness-join-party-for-nintendo.html

Wear a great t-shirt while doing it. Visit http://toesthattwinkle.blogspot.com/2011/01/120-headline-t-shirt-tuesday-giveaway.html

            

TIGER MOM

TIGER MOM

GIVE ME A BREAK

            I am sure you have heard of the Tiger Mom, Her kids are being raised to rule the world. She has been seen everywhere from magazines to television. No play dates, television, computer games, not to mention she has psychotically criticized and degraded her kids every chance she gets.  Her kids better do well in life because they have a future in Therapy, their own. Yes I think her kids will have two choices in life, (one) many years of sitting in a therapist’s office wondering why they are so angry, or (two) becoming crack heads. Both very expensive habits.

            Tiger Moms kids are not allowed to whine or complain while mommy dearest bullies them all day. Yet at every given chance that’s all she does. Amy Chua has been all over the media whimpering and complaining that no one understands her and people don’t like her.  Whine, whine, whine! Well all I have to say to her is SHUT UP already. Nobody wants to hear it.

            I truly believe we have to nurture our kids. I always encourage my daughter to follow her passions, try something new, be adventurous. BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE, don’t set your standards to others .Our favorite saying is be perfectly imperfect. Perfection is over rated. How are we supposed to learn life’s lessons if we are so obsessed with the idealism of being perfect? Life is to be enjoyed. My favorite quote is from the movie Auntie Mame "Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" - Auntie Mame"

— Patrick Dennis

            My child has been nurtured, praised, and yes spoiled at times. She is also a straight A honor student, focused, kind, and liked and respected from her peers and teachers alike. She plays with mindless video games, loves old I Love Lucy shows,goes out with friends, and can text faster than anyone I know. So take that Tiger Mom and give us all a break!

Have no fear of perfection -- you'll never reach it.

Salvador Dali

            

ALIENS STOLE MY BODY

      Ok so aliens didn't really steal my body but it's the only acceptable answer I can think of. It started the other day when I got out of the shower and got a glimpse of myself in the mirror. This was not my body. I am living proof that gravity exists. Everything is falling down from my boobs to my butt. Not to mention I can now wave to you with  the flab from my under  arms. My boobs look like pancakes and my butt well there is no word to describe it.  So what should I do now? Start running, go to the gym, or just sit down and have a brownie. I know, I will eat the brownie it will give me the energy I need to start a work out plan.
   How did I get to almost 50 and not realize things were sinking fast. Aging is not for the faint-of heart. It's like a horror story that never ends. I guess I could have a lift here or a tuck there. You know they can make anything look young these days. I read some where that there was even a place to get my vagina rejuvenated. A whole institute dedicated to just making my vagina look younger. Do you go in take a look at a book and pick one? I wonder if you could walk in and say I would like my vagina to look like Angelina Jolie's.  Would my husband  notice? While I'm at it maybe I will get the Brazilian butt lift too. Are their butts that much better than every one else's that they have their own surgery procedure? What is this world coming to!
 As for me I think I will just try and age gracefully and refrain from bitching about it to often. As Mark Twain once said "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." So in conclusion I will just keep smiling at all the absurdities of life, and renew my gym membership,

I MAY NOT BE A CEO OF A LARGE CORPORATION BUT.......

I may not be the CEO of a large corporation but I am definitely the CEO of my house. I don't remember turning in a resume and filling out a job application. There was no interview. I do not get a salary. My job responsibilities are quite extensive. For example my services include accounting, maid, cook, therapist, mediator, doctor, and the list just keeps going.
No wonder I am so tired. Its a twenty four hour a day job with no vacation time.
Some days I just want to run away. I imagine myself on a tropical beach alone reading a book, a Greek adonis is standing by to cater to my every need. This is the life. No one is calling me mommy, or asking me to do laundry. Well back to reality some one is calling my name. MOMMY!