ALIENS STOLE MY BODY

      Ok so aliens didn't really steal my body but it's the only acceptable answer I can think of. It started the other day when I got out of the shower and got a glimpse of myself in the mirror. This was not my body. I am living proof that gravity exists. Everything is falling down from my boobs to my butt. Not to mention I can now wave to you with  the flab from my under  arms. My boobs look like pancakes and my butt well there is no word to describe it.  So what should I do now? Start running, go to the gym, or just sit down and have a brownie. I know, I will eat the brownie it will give me the energy I need to start a work out plan.
   How did I get to almost 50 and not realize things were sinking fast. Aging is not for the faint-of heart. It's like a horror story that never ends. I guess I could have a lift here or a tuck there. You know they can make anything look young these days. I read some where that there was even a place to get my vagina rejuvenated. A whole institute dedicated to just making my vagina look younger. Do you go in take a look at a book and pick one? I wonder if you could walk in and say I would like my vagina to look like Angelina Jolie's.  Would my husband  notice? While I'm at it maybe I will get the Brazilian butt lift too. Are their butts that much better than every one else's that they have their own surgery procedure? What is this world coming to!
 As for me I think I will just try and age gracefully and refrain from bitching about it to often. As Mark Twain once said "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." So in conclusion I will just keep smiling at all the absurdities of life, and renew my gym membership,